Album Credits:
Produced, Written and Engineered by Brandy Zdan
Engineered by Brandy Zdan in Nashville at The Laundry Room
Additional Engineering by Josh Grange at Resistor Studios
& Will Honaker
Mixed by Josh Grange
Mastered by Josh Kessler
Photography by Alysse Gafkjen
Artwork & Design by Chris King
Brandy Zdan - Vocals / Electric, Acoustic, Bartione, Lap Steel Guitar / Keys
Aaron Haynes - Drums & Percussion
Will Honaker - Bass
Josh Grange - Pedal Steel on Mama
2021 All Songs by Brandy Zdan Soul Moon Songs (SOCAN)
2021 Lucky Rose Records
Lyrics
DYING INSIDE
THE WEST TEXAS WIND MAKES ME MOURN EVERYTHING
THE BIRDS CAN’T EVEN FLY THE DUST FILLS UP THE SKY
THE WINNIPEG WALTZ I WAS SCARED TO A FAULT
BUT STILL I LEFT YOU AND WHO I WAS THEN TOO
I’M THIS CLOSE TO DYING INSIDE
I’M THIS CLOSE TO LETTING IT RIDE
IT’S SO HARD TO FIND GOD
DO I KNOW HER AT ALL
IS SHE EVEN IN ME HAS SHE EVER BEEN
AND WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU HATE THE THING
THAT YOU’VE LOVED THE MOST
AM I CHASING A GHOST
I’M THIS CLOSE TO DYING INSIDE
I’M THIS CLOSE TO LETTING IT RIDE
AND WHAT OF THE SUN THAT RISES EVERY MORN
SHOULDN’T I BELIEVE IN ME LIKE THE SUN I ALWAYS SEE
THE WORST THING
BEAUTY OR PAIN IT DOES NOT MATTER IT CAN BE BOTH SOMEHOW
THAT’S HOW WE GOT HERE
OUR GREATEST GIFT IS OUR BURDEN TO BEAR
SOMEWHERE ALONG THE LINE OUR BLOOD MEANT DESPAIR
YOU SHAME US INTO SILENCE I’M SCREAMING INSIDE
HOW CAN WE NOT NOW THE MOST COMMON CONDITION INSIDE
IT’S THE WORST THING
BUT DO NOT TELL A SOUL
IT’S THE WORST THING
MAINTAIN YOUR SELF CONTROL
KEEP THAT SECRET UNDER LOCK AND KEY
THE LIFE GIVING FORCE TO HUMANITY
DO DO NOT TELL A SOUL
MAINTAIN YOUR SELF CONTROL
DO NOT A TELL A SOUL
KEEP ME QUIET, QUIET PLEASE
WRAP ME UP IN LEAVES
I WANT TO BE THE UNDERGROUND FROZEN
THE GROW FROM NOTHING ROSES
TO LIFE AFTER LIFE
IT’S SO EASY TO PASS OFF
THE MOST SIMPLE THING IS THE MOST EVERLASTING
BEAUTY OR PAIN IT DOES NOT MATTER IT CAN BE BOTH SOMEHOW
THAT’S HOW WE GOT HERE
CAUSE IT’S THE WORST THING
IT’S THE WORST THING
KEEP THAT SECRET UNDER LOCK AND KEY
THE LIFE GIVING FORCE TO HUMANITY
BUT DO NOT TELL A SOUL
BUT DO NOT TELL A SOUL
MAINTAIN YOUR SELF CONTROL
FALCON’S WING
WHAT IF I LOST YOU AFTER ALL THIS TIME
WOULD YOU COME BACK IN ANOTHER LIFE
WHAT DOES IT COST YOU FOR PEACE OF MIND
CAN I TRUST YOU AFTER ALL THIS TIME
IT WAS BARELY SPRING
I WAS TIME WASTING
THINKING ABOUT A SONG
WE ALL KNOW MORE THAN WE LET ON
MY BODY WASN’T STRONG
TO HOLD YOU WITHIN A SPIRIT WITHIN
I CAN FEEL YOU IN THE CLOUDS
I HAVEN’T FELT AS CLOSE TO GOD AS I DO NOW
YOU WERE CARRIED AWAY ON A FALCON’S WING
HIGH ABOVE THE HILLS
I DIDN’T EVEN CATCH A GLIMPSE
I WAS LOST IN THE TEARS
I TOOK MY GRIEF AND PUT IT ALL IN THE WATER THAT DAY
MY HOPES AND DREAMS AND FEARS AND WORRIES
I STOOD OUT IN THE RAIN
I AM WILD
SONG AS A KNIFE
WORDS ARE FEARS
EVERYDAY YOU TEAR ME UP
NIGHT HAS A VEIL
GROWING THIN
EVERYDAY YOU WAKE ME UP
I’VE BEEN LOSING SLEEP
I’VE BEEN HAVING DREAMS
WILL I EVER BE FREE
I’VE HAD DEATH INSIDE OF ME
NOW I TAKE IN EVERY BREATH
THERE ARE DAYS WHEN I CAN’T SEE
OH TO FINALLY RUN FREE
OH TO FINALLY RUN
I AM A LIFE MOTHER
I AM A DEATH MOTHER
I HAVE DANCED ON BOTH SIDES
ONE CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT THE OTHER
OH THE THINGS I FELT INSIDE
I AM WILD
PROTECTOR
I WANNA GET DRUNK
SMOKE A THOUSAND CIGARETTES
CHEW A PACK OF NICORETTE
AND PLAY DUMB
I’M A FOREIGNER
I’M A HEAD CASE
IT’S TIME TO FESS UP
TIME TO UNCOVER
I’M CALLING OFF THE PROTECTOR
I’LL DO MY BEST TO REMEMBER
I’VE BEEN STARVING FOREVER
THROW A BONE TO MY INNER CHILD
I KICKED YOU OUT
OF MY HOUSE THAT NIGHT
RAIN FALLING IN HEADLIGHTS
I BURNED YOUR THINGS ONE AT A TIME
YOU WERE CRYING OUT YOUR BABY BLUE EYES
I’M CALLING OFF THE PROTECTOR
STOP TRYING TO DEFEND HER
I’VE BEEN FIGHTING FOREVER
WHAT WERE YOU KEEPING ME FROM
I WANNA CALL
JUST A FEW SHORT WORDS
CAN IT MAKE UP FOR THOSE YEARS WITHOUT
OK I LOVE YOU
I SEE WHAT YOU’VE DONE
YOU HELPED ME WORK IT OUT
WHEN TIMES WERE TOUGH
I’M CALLING OFF THE PROTECTOR
I’LL DO MY BEST TO REMEMBER
I’VE BEEN STARVING FOREVER
SAY A PRAYER FOR MY INNER CHILD
EVERYONE WANTS
TIME IS MOVING FASTER
I DON’T KNOW IF I CAN KEEP UP
I’VE GOT BAD HABITS OF ALWAYS ACTING TOUGH
TODAY SEEMS LIKE FOREVER IS THE BOREDOM FOLLOWING YOU
ARE YOU JUST FILLING YOUR TIME
AVOIDING ALL THAT’S IN YOU
WHAT WOULD YOU TRADE TO NOT BE AFRAID
WHY CAN’T WE JUST BE OK
EVERYONE WANTS WHAT EVERYONE ELSE HAS
WHAT STORIES TO YOU TELL
IS IT ONE OF SELF DEFEAT
YOU CAN’T ALWAYS BE THE VICTIM
IT CAN SEEP INTO YOUR DREAMS
OH I AM TIRED AND I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO SAY
KEEP ON GOING AND YOU’RE DOING GREAT
WHAT WOULD YOU TRADE TO NOT BE AFRAID
WHY CAN’T WE JUST BE OK
EVERYONE WANTS WHAT EVERYONE ELSE HAS
JUST ADMIT THAT YOUR SCARED NO ONE IS WATCHING YOU
THE HARVEST COULD BE RICH NOW YOU JUST HAVE TO SEE IT THROUGH
EVERYONE WAN’S WHAT EVERYONE ELSE HAS
CANCELEER
I CAN’T REMEMBER WHAT I USED TO BE
WAS I A DOVE SET TO BE TAMED
WAS I A FLAME BURNING OUT BRIGHT
WITHOUT FEAR OF DEATH OR LOSING SIGHT
HAWK EYES HAWK EYES HAWK EYES
I’VE GOT HAWK EYES HAWK EYES HAWK EYES
I’VE GOT HAWK EYES
MY EARS WERE RINGING FROM THE SILENCE AROUND
I’M CURSED WITH FAILING AND FALLING APART
BUT AT LEAST I CAN FLY HIGH UP ABOVE STEADY WITH PURPOSE
IN THE SKIES THAT I LOVE
CAN YOU BE ALONE
TURN OFF THE TV
TURN OFF THE PHONE
DOES ANYONE CARE
WHAT’S REAL ANYMORE
WE’RE ALL AFRAID
OF WHAT’S INSIDE
WE’RE ALL TAUGHT
TO RUN AND HIDE
CAN YOU BE ALONE
NOTHING IS RANDOM
HOW IT COMES TO
TAKE A BREAK
FROM REALITY
CAN YOU BE ALONE
IS THE WORLD FOR US
OR AGAINST US
I JUST WANT SOME SLEEP
OH GOD PLEASE
CAN YOU BE ALONE
MAMA
MAMA WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU
THERE’S SO MANY SECRETS I’VE BEEN KEEPING THEM TOO
MAMA I JUST WANNA HEAR
YOUR VOICE ON THE LINE AND THOSE WORDS IN MY EAR
WHAT IF YOUR NEVER TAUGHT TO FEEL SAFE IN SOMEONE’S ARMS
DID NO ONE SPEAK SOFTLY TO YOU
AND TELL YOU, I LOVE YOU
MAMA I’VE BEEN LIVING IN FEAR
MAMA I’VE BEEN TRYING TO HEAL
I’VE JUST BEEN LIVING MY LIFE
TRYING SO HARD I’VE BEEN LOSING MY MIND
WHAT IF YOUR NEVER TAUGHT TO FEEL SAFE IN SOMEONES ARMS
I HAVE BEEN WRITING A LIST
HOW THE HELL HAVE I LIVED LIKE THIS
MAMA I COULD NEVER BLAME YOU
I KNOW IT’S PASSED ON THROUGH
YOU LEARN ON YOUR OWN HOW TO LIVE AND GET BY
MAMA I BET SHE WAS HURT TOO
WHAT IF YOUR NEVER TAUGHT TO FEEL SAFE IN SOMEONES ARMS
I WILL SPEAK SOFTLY TO YOU
AND TELL YOU I LOVE YOU